In Praise of — Can You Believe It? — the Diesel

It is now two weeks into 2014, and I am now six weeks the owner of a new VW Passat TDI, aka turbo diesel, in a glorious color called Opera Red.

I transitioned from a 9 year old BMW X drive that was beginning to go through its first round of many things breaking/wearing out. Now some would argue that a BMW is just beginning to break in at 100K, and could easily have gone for another 100. True, but I was also looking (with the help of my mechanics) at series of replacements that would have made 2014 an expensive year in BeamerLand.

Here’s the thing: after a few weeks of driving the new car, I don’t miss the Beamer at all, and I think my wife is even happier with the Passat than I am. I came to the BMW from the Passat and have now returned, but with a difference: diesel and not a traditional six-cylinder gas engine.

To compare:

  • The Beamer was fast and quick with spectacular handling/the Passat is quick with very Germanic, but not brutally stiff handling
  • The Beamer was comfortable, but unforgiving: I could seldom drive for more than 90 minutes before my hips and back began barking/the Passat is very comfortable: I recently drove more than 400 miles with only two brief stops and had no back or butt issues
  • The Beamer wasn’t particularly quiet, even after replacing the run-flat tires with a more traditional tire/the Passat is markedly quieter
  • The Beamer had the infamous iDrive system which I never found to be a problem, but it had its quirks/the Passat has an easier system to use (and of course more modern), but it too has its quirks, so this one’s almost a tie
  • The Beamer had superior lighting for night driving/the Passat is OK, but nothing special (but then I don’t do a lot of night driving any more)
  • The Beamer got 19MPG in the city, 28 on the road/the Passat is getting 38 in the city, 43 on the road. I figure I will spend upwards of $700/year less on fuel, so over the life of the car close to $10K less, with the price for equivalent model already around 10K less

What about electric or hybrid, you ask? In fact, as much as I love the idea of an electric car, it’s hard at this point in time to understand why anyone would want one

  • on the basis of fuel economy — pretty close to a draw as the Passat (or like-minded diesel sedans) are larger and more comfortable than their e-car counterparts, and get very close to the same milage
  • on the basis of range — the Passat has a range of almost 800 miles. I might be refilling if I’m just commuting once every six to eight weeks. Can’t be said of electric vehicles.
  • on the basis of eco-friendliness — the modern diesel is very clean and would only be slightly less better than a hybrid, pretty nearly the only choice on the e-front that competes

So if you’re in the market for a new car, consider one of today’s diesels from makers like VW, BMW, or Audi (why is it always the Germans that do this?), they have much to recommend them.

And would I have purchased a diesel BMW if price weren’t a consideration? Maybe, but the Passat is closer in size to the 5 series which just added at least another 10K to the price differential, so probably not.

I think they are an excellent choice until we get our NEXT car. That of course will be the one that drives us to our destination while we’re reading, knitting, or watching a movie (if we’re not of a mind to actually be steering the puppy ourselves). That’s certainly my wife’s next car…

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“Girl Gone” by Jillian Flynn: An Appreciation

First off, a spoiler alert: if you haven’t read this book, you might want to skip this post until you have. Not, mind you, that knowing the plot “spoils” the book. What tension there is about why the girl is gone is dispelled by the book itself probably about half way through, and the careful reader is not at all surprised by the surprise although there will be some very chilling turns of events at the end.

Girl Gone is at its heart a study in disingenuity, unreliable and conflicting narrations, psychopathology, and solipsism, and its pleasures come from being expertly driven from pillar to post betwee them. Two characters, a wife and a husband, share the narrative stage, each presenting his/her version of events, and offering these up to the reader as their versions of the truth of the events that take place. In fact, both narrations want to persuade and be persuasive, but neither, as time goes on, is, and each becomes ever less attractive.

Amy begins the account through a diary. A diary which, we come to find out, is a complete fabrication, created to relate events in order to persuade others of the counter-fiction to actual events. Her counter-fiction is that she was murdered by her husband, and both narrative and physical evidence are created by her to support this “story of her goneness” (each narrator marks the passage of “days gone”). The actuality of her goneness is quite different.

Nick’s narrative wants us to understand his position as the husband who is not responsible for his wife’s disappearance, knows nothing about the tactile evidence of his involvement in her disappearance, and, at the end, comes to understand that his role in her narrative is as her murderer. He too is fast with the truth, fast with a lie, and faster yet in withholding information.

Both would have us believe their counter stories about themselves, both enlist the support of the media, social media, and Web space to offer their versions of what has happened. It is important to note that the selling of these stories to the “general public”: is he a wife murderer? Is he innocent in her disappearance? Is she the paragon of virtue, the “amazing Amy” of the children’s books which her parents wove around her?

In the end, it becomes clear that Amy is in fact a complete psychopath, and a murderer whose story is so convincing and so much in line with what people expect to hear that any counter-narrative seems completely implausible. It is much easier to believe that he killed her for her money than that she framed him for her murder out of vengeance and a mania to control. The telling and selling of their own stories “about what happened” after she reappears is an important stream of authorial knowing.

There is no third perspective, no third-person narration above the fray, no investigation of the “facts” as they are presented. In another, different, and far more traditional book, the views of the police would have a place if not center stage. Here both narrators in the end are left to write their own books/accounts. This is but another way of justifying themselves to the world and to themselves, and that only one story exists in the end, Amy’s, the “Gone Girl”, is a final act of manipulation.

Flynn’s effort has been labelled in some places as a “thriller”. There are aspects that fit that particular genre, but I see it as a play to use that genre to create a truly unsettling, nasty but tasty novel in the moral style of Patricia Highsmith. It is a tour de force in narration, and voices and nearly no slips in the voices of either character. I recommend it highly, and would encourage you to enjoy it as an audio book.

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You’ve Got It All Wrong – Sleep Studies

You’ve got it all wrong if you think that a sleep study is actually performed to judge how well you sleep: it’s actually to determine if you’re able to sleep at all in the face of all of the hook-ups you’re attached to and the strangeness of the setting when they do the study.

Back in the day, as part of a comprehensive post-polio evaluation, I had my first study. I suspected I had sleep apnea on the basis of what my wife and others had told me about observing my sleep and sleep habits (I’ve never considered myself a “good” sleeper). During that study, they observed numerous incidents of sleep interruptions (more than 200) and a few of outright apnea. They were unable to fit me with a CPAP during that initial study. In a subsequent study a few months later, they started my off with a CPAP, and got favorable clinical results. I have been using one since then, but have had to fuss with masks and such, and it took me in real life (as opposed to the clinic) the better part of 1 1/2 years to get used to one, but, that said, I now find it hard to sleep without one.

This study was to do an update, and determine whether the settings were current, or if there were other treatment indications. Oh yeah, and I think I need a new CPAP, and they won’t (now that I live in a different state with a different doctor and different insurance) write a prescription without a new study.

I arrived at the study center at 8:30, and the hook-ups and other prep took until almost 9:30. I think I had about 8-10 electrodes on my head, two on my chest and two on my feet, and an oxygen sensor on my finger. A panel on a pillow next to me with all the connections to inputs was part of the study apparatus.

I considered the fate of the turkey before going into the oven. No, that would be wrong. I was far more trussed up than that poor bird, but would at least survive the experience.  A few exercises to test the correctness of the hook-ups and settings, and then the Song Bird fired up, and lights out.

I am a restless sleeper, and even more so if I can’t fall asleep quickly (see my post on RBS), which was, of course, the case this evening. All of my rolling and thrashing caused them to come in three times to reattach various connections over the course of the initial part of the night. I last checked my cellphone for the time at 11:00, and was still awake some time thereafter. Woke up a couple of times and then was finally awake, thinking it must be around 5:00 given my level of awakeness. Phone said 3:45. Rolled around and they then came in and fixed another connection at about 4:20.

And of course they end the study at 5:00 AM, come in, turn on the lights, unhook you, then give you a survey on how well you think you slept to fill out (don’t they know from all those hook-ups??) before you go, and then send you on your brain-dead, dopey way. I figured I got maybe 3 hours max with two interruptions. This, while using a CPAP and wearing a mask I brought from home.

So the question is: will the study have any validity, given the shortness of my sleep? Will I have to undergo another? Is there anything they or I could have done differently? Well, maybe. They might have offered my something to help me get to sleep after I wasn’t asleep about an hour (I was given Ambien during my first studies).

My experience wasn’t, according to my chats with staff, all that uncommon, and my advice to anyone undergoing one of these who isn’t a “good” sleeper or is particularly restless to discuss with the staff what might be done if, after some agreed-upon period of time, sleep has not come. Dealing with sleep apnea, a serious condition, is important, but I shan’t see the New Year in tonight, here’s betting…

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Lamb Meatball Lasagna

For Bill

Components

Lamb Meatballs
Tomato Sauce
Assembly

Lamb Meatballs

Ingredients

1 lb. ground lamb
1 large egg
1/2 c. crumbled feta cheese
1/2 c. bread crumbs
1/4 c. chopped parsley
2 T. tomato paste
2 T. milk
1 T. finely chopped garlic
1/2 t. salt

Instructions

Preheat oven to 400°.

In a large bowl, combine ingredients for the meatballs. Shape into meatballs about 1 inch in diameter. Place on a grease cookie sheet and bake for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool.

Tomato Sauce

Ingredients

1 c. chopped onions
1 medium green pepper, chopped
2 T olive oil
1/2 c dry red wine
1 can (28 ounces) Italian tomatoes
1 can (15 ounces) tomato sauce
1 T minced garlic
2 T Greek oregano
1 T basil (preferably California)
1 t fennel seed
1 t salt
1/2 t crushed red pepper

Instructions

Saute onion and green pepper until lightly browned. Add garlic and stir for about 1 minute to soften. Add wine and cook until reduced by half. Add tomatoes (whole and tomato sauce), oregano, basil, fennel seed, salt, and red pepper. Simmer for 45 minutes covered, stirring occasionally. Adjust seasoning as necessary.

Finishing Off

Ingredients

6-8 sheets of ready cook lasagna noodles
6-9 slices provolone
1/2 c crumbled feta cheese
1/2 c chopped kalamata olives
1/2 c grated mozzarella cheese
grated Parmesan cheese

Directions

Cut up meatballs into 8 (or more) pieces. Put chopped meatballs into sauce along with chopped olives, and simmer for another 20 minutes.

Assemble the lasagna by starting with sauce, a layer of noodles, then sauce, a layer of provolone slices, and some feta. Repeat, ending with mozzarella and Parmesan. Cover with foil and bake for 45 minutes at 375°. Uncover and bake until top is nicely browned, about 15 more minutes. Remove from the over and let sit 15 minutes (or more) before serving.

Note: you can also make small meatballs (about 1/4 inch in diameter), and then use them whole. A nice, if fussy, touch.

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The End of Time

Two thirteen: done, kaputt,
Almost. A year of  bad days,
Yet on the heart beats.

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Aphorisms

Wherever you go, there you are. Again. And again. And again.

Whatever does not kill me, probably pretty fucking well beats me up.

Would that a loss of faith was not accompanied by an increasing difficulty in keeping the faith.

The dominance of mediocrity in our work and political lives debases our dreams, leaves us with an ashen taste on the tongue, and little appetite for more than the endless pap of the quotidian.

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COPD

At the edge of breath

Lungs barely in- or exhale

Ragged coughs and then

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Troubled Organizations

You know you’re in a troubled organization when senior managers meet new ways of thinking (new now to this organization, even if the idea is widely understood and followed by others) with:

We’ve never done it that way.

We could never do it that way because …

Why should we listen to you? You’ve never done it our way.

<CEO’s name> would never let us do that. We’ve tried it before and it’s never worked.

They (the customers) will just have to change their expectations if they are unsatisfied.

Usually in such places, no good deed goes unpunished, and it is far better to do nothing than be perceived as an agent of discord and change, surely a “career-ending move” if there ever was one in these places..

Organizations are self-replicating beasties — we become largely what we already are, only more so — and usually this will be along the lines of attitudes and practices of senior managers, but may burrow itself even more deeply. This can be very subtle, and difficult to observe, particularly if you yourself are part of that cohort of the organization by virtue of age, experience, or (mostly) white maleness. You may not notice your own ossification, as the years add up, and your own practice goes unchallenged.

Longevity in a single role in general is not positive for the working individual or the organization itself, especially in rapidly changing areas like medicine or technology. 15 years or more in IT — not uncommon in the academy — without continuous training and self-renewal leads to ossified practice, stagnant silos of “how we do it” if the doing is not itself subject to intense scrutiny, and a general inability to do “the new” if “the new” is of interest at all.

So while you are encouraged to “love what you do”, but be sure to do it in a place you can love. And if you ever find yourself saying one of the statements at the top of this post, examine whether it may not be time to find a place that can accept doing it differently as long as you can do it differently yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Thinking Too Hard About “The Book”

A recent article in the New York Times about the current state of books/electronic books notes that not only is the book not dead, the whole question of the future of the book is wearying. Frank Stein, founder of the Institute for the Future of the Book states, “Frankly, I can’t stand the question”.

We are going to think too hard about fiction here, and maybe in some future post, think hard about non-fiction/technical books, because I believe they are fundamentally different. Frank may be being frank with this. But it may also be wearying perhaps because we have not thought hard enough about what a book actually is.

Within the realm of storytelling, a work of fiction is simply a story told to an individual listener. There is no “community”, no “social network of readers”, simply a story teller (or narrator) and a story recipient (listener/audience at first, individual reader eventually). A book is nothing more than the physical manifestation of that storytelling and is in fact a shortened, abbreviated form of ingesting the story being told.

The voice that comes from the author of the work of storytelling may take many forms and the story itself is crafted to be heard – consumed – ingested – apprehended by the hearing/reading audience. In this way the story is the work and its individual apprehension by the consumer – ingestor – reader completes the cycle of telling/apprehension. Seen this way, it is true that the audio book, a relatively recent technical addition, is in fact a more pure form of delivering a story, albeit an older form of the work of fiction or storytelling.

The placement of the narration on any physical object — paper, computer, tablet reader, audio CD/DVD – is simply a convenience for the delivery and consumption of the narration, and that delivery mechanism is mostly irrelevant to its apperception by the recipient of the story. All of the features of storytelling embodied within a “book” may be present in any one of other forms of delivery.

A case can be made, perhaps, that various forms of delivery may be superior/offer particular advantages over other forms. A book itself can be heavy, unwieldy, cheap, flimsy, falling apart, missing pages. An e-reader may have text too small (or large), be poorly visible, hard to navigate, confusing in its attempts to “represent” itself as a “book” (note the trend to try to map page numbers into e-reader pages). An audio-book may have an incompetent reader, poor production qualities, and be presented with a story text that is difficult to render by voice.

But each of these drawbacks is simply an instance of failure, failure of the physical manifestation to step up to the demands of the storytelling, and each presupposes technical underpinnings which may themselves stand in the way of reception.

Another complication is that the physical manifestation itself may be altered/changed to “help along” the reception – consider the epistolary novel, the “marble” page in Tristram Shandy, pages numbers running in reverse in Chuck Palahniuk’s Survivor, verbal handling of literary artifacts (such as footnotes) when producing an audio book.

So each manifestation a “book” may have bears at least potentially with it some possible tampering of the narration itself which constitutes the work. Authors may play with/against the representational form, and here we may ultimately see differences betwixt and among the various forms. But ultimately the form is largely irrelevant to the work itself, except where the author uses the physical instantiation as a partial object of discourse. This is something we have yet to see exploited authorially in the new media, and we may be at the beginnings of something different, but that is yet to come.

This is not to say that there are not economic considerations at play – there are, and they are substantial – but they are not very germane to the overall experience and aesthetic (or not) interplay between storyteller and apprehender.

This interplay – who’s story is it, the teller or apprehender? – may be the source of a future post, but as for the book/story/narration itself, it is in no danger of having no future until narration comes to a standstill at the end of time.

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RBS and the Conundrum of Sleep

RBS. No, that’s not Royal Bank of Scotland, despite what you may have heard. That’s what my wife and I call Rapid Brain Syndrome, a phenomena that drives sleep from our heads and occasionally us from our beds.

So you wake up in the middle of the night. Maybe you have to pee. Maybe you’ve got an upset tummy. Whatever. But awake you are, and suddenly you’re working through the events of the last day, reviewing work that lies ahead for tomorrow, contemplating why you’re having trouble with your weight, trying to think through a solution to that technical issue that has been nagging you the last day or two, frustrated by a colleague at work, frustrated by your boss, upset at the absolute dunderheads you’re forced to deal with at work who prize process over product and can’t image any problem that can’t be solved by adding more steps, reviews, and meetings. And so on. You get the picture. You’re stuck in a hamster wheel of your own devising, and sleep is now completely the last thing on your mind.

Except of course that it’s 3 AM, and so it is on your mind. You need your sleep, why are you lumbering about with all these crazy thoughts? RBS is killing your night. I’m going to wake up tired (you tell yourself), or, worse, you worry you’ll fall asleep again just before you’re scheduled to get up. The alarm will go off, and you’ll arise with a thick head that no amount of caffeine can touch until about noon. What misery!

Now my wife occasionally meets this challenge by getting up! She’ll go out in the study and maybe knit or read for a bit, until the RBS has subsided, and then go back to bed and then to sleep. This often works for her, but me, if I did this, I’d have to arise, put on my long johns, strap on my heavy metal and a shoe, and hell, by this time, I’d be wide await and would never go back to sleep.

So I lie in bed and roll — right side, then back, then left side, then a flip back right, over and over again until I do fall asleep, eventually, at some point, perhaps, as feared just before the alarm goes off (in winter) or the sun begins to rise (in summer).

And to what purpose? What to do to make a failing of proper sleep habits work to our advantage?

On the best of nights, for me, RBS can lead to productive thinking when properly focused. First off, to solve the conundrum of sleep, I try to use RBS to meet a specific challenge. Hell, I’m more or less awake, so I might as well float on about something.

So what can you think about? For myself, I often solve technical issues I’ve been working through as an IT developer. This can be a time for thought/insight separated from the demands and annoyances of the day. Other concerns in my life can creep in. A poem I wrote for this blog, Oyster, was largely written and refined at 3 in the morning, finishing touches put in place by the light of the next day.

What to avoid? Rehashing of past wounds — can’t be undone, does no good. Rages against the stupidity of some work situation — won’t be solved as those who manage are perfectly happy with the status quo else it wouldn’t be quo. Remember: there is a reason things are as they are. Find the lever outside yourself or let it pass.

So can I take my own advice? Sometimes. And sometimes I can just sleep through till dawn.

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